If I Had Cancer...

Well today was the day. June 6th marked the release of a highly anticipated film based on the incredible book by none other than John Green, The Fault in Our Stars. Having read (and loved) the book, seeing the film was a must. So this afternoon, my sister, mom and I made our way to the theater to see it. I have to say, this film was absolutely wonderful. It was everything I could have asked for in a movie adaptation of a book and then some. It brought characters that were already very real in so many peoples' minds to life. And yes, I cried.

But I don't want this post to be all about how amazing the movie was or how much I liked the book or even how well they brought this book to life.

As I drove away from the theater, after seeing the most anticipated film of the summer, it got me thinking... Since this film was about kids who have cancer, I thought to myself about the idea of cancer, and what it would be like to get it. How would I handle the news? Would I be that inspiring cancer patient that brightens everyones day with my smile and positivity or would I crumble into a depression and never want to leave my house or eat? How might my relationships with my friends and family change? I would like to think that I will be brave, that my relationships will stay the same or even grow stronger. But then I wonder if my relationship with some people would completely disintegrate as a result of them not being able to handle or deal with what I was going through?

Unfortunately, I feel like that last one ends up being the truth of the matter far more often than it should. When I was about 7 years old I had a birthday party and invited some of my friends. One of those invited was a really good friend of mine, she had leukemia and as a result of chemotherapy, lost her hair. I specifically remember one of my other friends at the party asking what was wrong with "that girl over there". I simply smiled and said, "Nothing is wrong with her, she just has cancer and lost her hair". To me it was just that simple, there was nothing wrong with her she just had an illness. However that friend kept her distance from her the rest of the party. I remember not understanding what the big deal was. So what if she doesn't have any hair, she was still a really nice girl and a great friend. I honestly hope that if I were ever to get cancer that people would do what I did. I hope they would look passed an illness and realize that a person doesn't become their cancer or illness. They are still a nice person, a good friend, the same person they were a few months ago when they didn't have cancer.

This isn't the first time I thought about what it would be like if I were to get cancer and how my life would change. But this time especially, I thought not just about the disease or how my relationships with others might change, instead I thought about dying. Don't worry this isn't going to get all morbid and depressing or anything. What I mean by thinking about dying was not the actual act of dying, but rather, the moment of time leading up to that inevitable event.

If I had cancer and knew I was going to die sooner as a result of my cancer would I live my life differently? If so what would I do differently? Would I try to be nicer to people? Tell my friends and family I love them more often? Would I cherish all of the little moments? Go out and experience the world more? Smile more? Laugh more? Hug more?

But why?

Why wait until being close to death or until I potentially get cancer? Why wait until I am dying to live? The things I listed above are things I should be aspiring to do everyday, whether cancerous or cancer free, young or old. This is what I think the main point behind this book is or at least should be. Live each day as if it is your last. Travel to the place you have always wanted to go to. Kiss the person you love. Hug your mom and dad. Do the things you've always wanted to do but don't forget to do the little things along the way. Don't live like you are dying JUST when you may actually be dying, but live that way always. Mr. James Dean had the right idea...

"Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today." - James Dean

Love Always,

xo Noelle